Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Damnation Angels

I've often wondered, do hardcore Christians understand how unutterably lame they are? We're talking the real fundamentalists here. Regardless of agreement on the grounds of belief, the way they go about... everything, is so incredibly kitsch. They also seem oblivious to the things they do that to a regular person would be on a Monty Python level of mockery. It could perhaps be said that they do it on purpose to pre-empt such ridicule, but I highly doubt that. For example, I was recently forwarded an email that was circulated to the members of the Christian association at work (by the line-manager of someone who has left and whose mail is forwarded to him). Aside from this months focus being on the "fundamental truths" of a core part of the bible (I don't think the stupidity and ignorance of that statement needs highlighting), they are also running the next meetings of the Bible reading group and the prayer group.

These groups are obviously something that most Christian associations etc have, but it's the names - names chosen by themselves - for these groups that, were they to appear in a Python sketch, would not seem out of place and would likely be regarded as genius level comedy. The reading groups is called B.I.B.L.E. This raises a slight chuckle in itself, but isn't particularly riotous. The prayer group is called P.U.S.H. Which isn't funny at all, apart from the obvious connotations of indoctrination.

But when, further down the email, these acronyms are expanded, I am left to wonder if those responsible fully comprehend the level of self-derision they've achieved. Apparently, B.I.B.L.E. stands for Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth. Surely this needs to be the name of a book mocking the Bible. My personal favourite however is the definition of P.U.S.H., which stands for Pray Until Something Happens, like it's some kind of distant hope that God, who we're so often told sees everything that goes on around here, will actually get off his lazy, non-existant backside and do something.

I'm not tarnishing all Christians collectively at this point. Some are very cool people. After all, we all know a good 50% of the people that claim to be Christian aren't really. If you don't go to Church, don't pray, don't read the Bible and don't follow all the other parts of the belief then you aren't Christian. Attending the carol service every Christmas just doesn't cut it. But this really highlights the farcical nature of a religion that allows people who don't follow the faith in any way to still claim "membership".

How is it, while I'm here, that preachers and so forth that sit on street corners raving about how great God is, and the ones who come knocking on your door in an attempt to convert you are exempt from the same disrespect as door-to-door salemen etc? Jahovah's Witnesses go knocking on doors and no one bats an eye-lid. Cleaning product sales people start doing it too often and suddenly we have a problem. Why does the fact that they hide under the impenetrable umbrella of "religion" make what they're doing so different? We seem to have this predefined set of people for which it is acceptable to go around bothering everyone, and all others are firmly in the wrong if they do the same thing for other reasons/causes.

At least most double-glazing sales people have the common decency to accept "I'm not interested, thank you" as a signal to go away. The door-to-door God Squad seem to hear that as a call to arms.

I'm looking forward to reading Rich Hall's Things Snowball even more now.

"we're lost in the Garden of Eden"