Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Lake of Fools

I love power metal. I think we all know that. And that now includes Blind Guardian, after last night's awesome show at the Koko in London with Astral Doors, who I already knew I liked. But, power metal fans seem to be the biggest collection of nerds and losers I've come across since the flute-playing, ballroom-dancing, church-going supernerd student that recently left the office at my day job.

Seriously, if you go to concerts brandishing plastic swords and axes you've got to start asking yourself serious questions. Have you ever spotted someone in the street that looks like a reject from an '80s b-movie and wondered what these people do? I can tell you now, ladies and gentlemen, they were all at last night's Blind Guardian show, including that one guy who doesn't realise the '80s really did end quite some time ago and still has his perm. David Hasselhoff would look like a contemporary trend-setter amongst this lot.

Sometimes there are those surreal moments that not only cause you to double-take, but confuse you for the rest of the day. Many of the losers at the gig last night could account for several such moments, but today, I had one that topped them all. I'm sitting in a meeting to discuss data quality with about 13 other people. It was thrilling, let me tell you. But half way through, and I think only a couple of us noticed it, a procession of people, walking single file, trooped past the door and into one of the meeting rooms next door each carrying a life-size, naked, plastic baby. Some carrying them vaguely as you would carry a real baby, others just by their side by a foot, as you would carry a sliced loaf. Then they all trudged back to whence they came, sans dolls. I still can't begin to imagine what kind of training was going on in there. We don't employ many infants.

Back in the office one of the guys in my team asks "are you sure they were plastic?" Now, I'm no expert, having no children of my own to compare to, but I am fairly sure that if you carried a real child at your side by one foot it would be reasonably likely to complain in one form or another. Or at the very least move a little and not quite reflect the light so much. Perhaps he wanted to clarify they weren't made of porcelain, or potato or something.

"the devil hates a loser and you thought you had it all"